Confessions of a live Noob mini

So Im on a business trip when I see a casino with a live donkament €100 in. I have never played live poker before (home games aside) so I figure I better get my feet wet sometime.

The donkament starts and it quickly becomes clear that this is a local reg fest and I’m struggling to learn how to play live (seriously). Thankfully the dealers are excellent (well they made zero mistakes and the game moved well) and the natives seem accustomed to noobish fish such as myself not knowing what to do.

In the first hour I manage to
(1) Limp UTG three times thinking I’m in the BB (the dealer says “100″ or whatever the bb is and I think he means for me to post the blind)
(2) Open fold KK in the SB, I thought I was the BB getting a walk. I was like WTF!! inside when the dealer moved the pot to the guy to my left but thankfully I realised what happened before I made a total fool of myself. Interestingly the BB flashed an Ace after I folded and I later thought if he had of showed AA that I could have showed my KK for the most awesome soul read ever.
(3) Blinds 150/300 and I repeatedly attempt to raise by putting 1k chip in without saying anything. Apparently this counts as a call, learned after the third time.
(4) Eventually give up trying when the chips/antes get messy and let the dealers do most of it (sorry dealers).

Thankfully everyone sucked balls and their main strategy seemed to consist of rolling their eyes and mucking in disgust quite often. Rawr FU I thought building a stack and settling nerves (I’m a very big introvert so I actually hate crowds and get weirded out sometimes). I got the feeling I was already getting the image of table monkey.

Halfway through a guy gets moved to the table and raises 5/6 hands, he and I are chip leaders and I decide to open a can of 3-bet on him with A9 about 40bb deep (lol donkaments) figuring… well **** figuring….. you work out the math.
So he tanks for ages and flats OOP flop A92, he donks into me and already I’m almost wetting myself in anticipation if this gets to showdown, I flat turn A and it goes c/c, river J he shoves I snap and he says “Sorry big lad…. JJ” I say nothing and turn over A9 and watched a cascade of jaws drop – I really think none of them had ever seen a light 3-bet before (this theory was re-inforced when I overheard a discussion of how me and some old guy overplayed JJ/AK AIPF for a whopping 30bb).

“Nice hand well played” as he walked away, I knew what he meant and it gave me a warm feeling inside.

So basically I run them over with my massive amount of tournament knowledge based on playing (not beating, playing) $5.50 SNGs 3 years ago – live players are no match for that level of know how.

Once in the money and down to avg stack of 14bb with antes I go into hyper mode but restrain myself by checking that I always have 1 card above 9 or a pair before I shove.
My favourite hand of the night was 4 handed when an otherwise pleasant young lady opened the button for 3bb and KQo was all I needed. She tanks for like 5 minutes and mutters about “moves” and eventually (lol) calls with AJ which is ahead of my range nevermind pot odds.
Of course I’m running hot and bink a QQx flop, I can honestly say I felt almost no emotion on the flop I’m very good about not sweating the board or caring about results. However when the young lady half shouts half cries (i.e. is nearly in tears)“I have been watching you all night and your the biggest ****ing donkey I have ever seen” I get a sudden swell of schadenfreude, which when mixed with copious amounts of alcohol and winning what’s now decent prize money is a fine cocktail of emotion if I’m honest.